Reading, Romance, and Gender Roles: A Gendered Possibility for Men Reading Less

by Gianna Forgen

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

​​When I was in elementary school, I read all the time. I vividly remember, during a snack break, I had become so entranced by my book that I had missed my teacher calling my table for our turn to use the bathroom. I remember, too, the look on her face, probably wondering if it was worse that I hadn’t listened, or worse to chastise me for reading.

​Back then, it felt like everyone loved to read. When we filled out posters at the beginning of the school year detailing our hobbies, two took precedence above all others: reading and writing. As students, we had to read, of course, but it seemed like everyone still enjoyed it, at least the kids in my class. In elementary school, a boy I was friends with and I read the entire Harry Potter series at the same time–he finished Deathly Hallows only fifteen minutes before me. He was one of the most voracious readers I knew.

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As we got older, though, this boy, and the others around me, started to read less and less. Or, at the very least, they read only because they had to. By the time I got to high school, I hardly knew any boys who liked to read for fun, while all of my female friends still enjoyed reading as a hobby. If you ask a grown man his favorite book, the answer will likely stink of required reading assignments: The Great Gatsby, 1984, Lord of the Flies. That’s not to say these classics can’t be someone’s favorite, but it feels, at least to me, very clear that the last book they read was in high school. It’s possible this is the fault of mixing work and play, turning something enjoyable into a chore, but that is something that all students experience regardless of gender identity. While not always true, it appeared that a lot of boys lost any interest they had in reading in their early teens–is it possible this has something to do with gender roles?

One place to look in answering this question is BookTok, the subculture of book lovers on TikTok, the ever-growing social media platform home to short videos. Content creators on BookTok share reviews, monthly round-ups, book hauls, and more with viewers, and the popularity of the videos has led to bookstores having display tables specifically for books that gained popularity on the app.

While there are men on BookTok, a majority of the creators I find on the app tend to be female or non-binary. They include readers who have loved books since their childhood, as well as readers who picked up the hobby as late-teens and adults. Many BookTok members comment that a certain series they discovered on the app was what made them love reading. I have even talked to women in-person who ask me if I like reading because they’ve just gotten into it and want to recommend me something. Men, although not intentionally, are often the least popular target of BookTok, and I have a feeling it has to do not only with the content of the books, but their attitudes around reading said books.

The Colleen Hoover renaissance is a perfect example of women starting to read at an older age. Hoover, a New York Times bestselling author of often-questionable romance novels, has always been a big name in her subgenre. With the emergence of BookTok, her readership soared, and with it the number of women reading as a hobby. It’s frequently, now, that I go on Instagram and see a woman I know post a photo dump that includes a picture of an open book–and more often than not, that book was written by Colleen Hoover. ​

Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash

While I’m not a fan of her work myself, I think it’s because I’ve been reading for so long that I’ve already found the types of writing I like. For anyone who didn’t read for fun at all until the pandemic started, Colleen Hoover and similar romance authors became starting points for creating shelves full of books of all different genres. And, even if they end up all being dark romance or mafia marriages or enemies-to-lovers tales, these women are still reading. They don’t care what other people think of the books on the shelves. Even if Colleen Hoover isn’t a classic or considered a more high-brow piece of literature, the people who love her books aren’t afraid to express their love.

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Despite advances in the feminist movement, and a rise in men willing to stray from rules of toxic masculinity, I have a feeling a lot of men don’t read simply because they view reading as a feminine act. Romance stories have always been seen as inherently feminine–because, apparently, straight men can’t experience romance –and with those books being so popular, they take up a lot of shelf-space and frequent bestseller lists. If you already think you can’t or won’t engage with something feminine, seeing so many “feminine” books might turn you off from reading altogether.

If you’re a man still stuck in the grips of toxic masculinity, or if romance just isn’t your thing, which is totally fair, there’s a chance you’ll never rekindle or discover a love for reading. If a man told me the book I was reading was [insert vaguely or explicitly sexist insult here], it wouldn’t stop me from reading my book. So what, I loved the book with the weird stock image of a burly man on the front that was recommended to me by a TikTok post with five likes? It seems like, both in my experience and online, men aren’t able to be so fearless when it comes to reading.

It’s not a requirement to love to read, but it always leaves me sad to see so many people, mostly men, refuse to read for what appears to be gendered reasons. They don’t like romance, they won’t read a book with all-female characters, and, most importantly, they often won’t even try anything that strays from their Gatsbys. Is there a way to remedy this, to encourage boys and men to pick up books without fear of being seen as doing something “girly?” I’m not sure. 

It’s not a requirement to love to read, but it always leaves me sad to see so many people, mostly men, refuse to read for what appears to be gendered reasons. They don’t like romance, they won’t read a book with all-female characters, and, most importantly, they often won’t even try anything that strays from their Gatsbys. Is there a way to remedy this, to encourage boys and men to pick up books without fear of being seen as doing something “girly”? I’m not sure. 

Photo by Aliis Sinisalu on Unsplash

Maybe it starts with modernizing books used as required reading in schools and offering options that can be both educational and enjoyable for young readers. Maybe it starts with parents encouraging reading at home more. It’s hard to assume corporations like Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or even Target will start replacing Colleen Hoover novels with a more genre-diverse collection of recommendations to bring in more readers, especially when they see what’s selling the most are those romance novels. Whatever the solution may be, the outcome can really only be positive: more readers, less judgment.